I told you I would be honest with you on this blog. I told you I would not only talk about my successes and joys, but also my failures and heartbreaks. More importantly, I promised to write about what I learned from these experiences. So here I go.
This past fall, I met a boy. We became really good friends and then more than that and blah, blah, blah, all of that middle school sleepover stuff and everything. I won’t go into any details about any of that.
Anyway, as these months progressed, we both slowly started to realize that this wasn’t going to ever really work out between us. We both kept ignoring that and pushing it aside, continuing with whatever it was we were doing. We were so captivated by the idea of having each other there that we didn’t care if we were ignoring obvious signs of it not working.
Finally, after several months of this, it all had to come to an end somehow. Unfortunately, it didn’t come to an end in a way that I would have really preferred, but it happened, and I can’t change how it happened. We decided to agree that it was not going to work between us. This being a new concept to me – having a relationship – I didn’t really know where to go from there. How does one just know how to move on from something like that? I guess you don’t, because I surely didn’t.
So as I was spending nights not knowing whether to be happy or cry myself to sleep, I began to analyze advice and suggestions I was being given. I had all of my friends telling me to forget him, that I “didn’t need a guy in my life.” I appreciated this, even though forgetting someone is a lot easier said than done.
Then I began to think about the contradicting advice/suggestions I was receiving from other outlets – mainly the media. I happened to glance over at a copy of Seventeen magazine that my grandma had just sent me (because I am clearly still 17 years old). The cover included phrases like “How to Make Your Crush Like You!” and “Perfect Valentines Dates for you and your Boyfriend!” Well, that helped.
A week or so ago, we had just hired some new employees at my job. I was working with a new employee on her first day. We started chatting and one of the first things she asked me was, “So what are you and your boyfriend doing for Valentine’s Day?” and I had to give the awkward “Uh, I don’t have one” response. Why was that so important? Why is that so important? In one ear, I had my friends telling me “You don’t need a man to feel okay” and in the other ear society shouting “Why aren’t you turning boys away left and right?! Something must be wrong with YOU.”
I can’t say that I’ve figured out what I am doing in this situation. I’m still lost and in a process of “moving on” and returning to a state of being okay with not having him in my life constantly. I can say that this entire thing has been such a great learning experience. It is difficult to use the word “great” to describe it, since it consisted of a lot of anger, frustration and heartache, but I hope that a few years from now, I can look back and say that I learned to take the advice from my friends and not from society.